


What A Way To Meet

by My_Trex_has_fleas



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dorks, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-19
Updated: 2015-11-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 10:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5244440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/pseuds/My_Trex_has_fleas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a prize for Filifeelies for the Summer Fandom Raffle Challenge. Apologies for lateness, but I got my dates confused!!!! The prompt was 'I got all these free condoms from student health and now I've dropped them and you're looking at me like I'm an idiot.'</p><p>Kili is a giant dork. Thankfully this hasn't seemed to put Fili off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What A Way To Meet

It all started because Ori had a cold.

Kili sat and watched as his best friend and housemate sniffled miserably into a tissue and sighed. It had been going on for four days and he knew that it was partly his fault for encouraging Ori to go play football in the rain when they had been a little drunk a few nights before.

‘You all right?’ he asked, trying to sound sympathetic. Ori made a noise like a small animal and peered at him miserably. Kili sighed and ran one hand through his thick curly dark hair. Ori looked as sad as a kitten being denied a fish dinner.  
‘I feel like shit.’ he replied. ‘I don’t think this is just a cold.’ Kili refrained from rolling his eyes. As much as he loved Ori, and he did (they had been friends since his recently divorced mother had moved to Bath to be near her brother and his husband and Kili had discovered that the house next door was inhabited by three brothers, one of whom was his exact age), Ori was a little bit of a hyperchondriac in his opinion.

‘I have to go to the shop later.’ he said. ‘I can get you some Day Nurse.’

‘I need to go to the doctor.’ Ori said and sniffled pitifully. ‘I called and they have an emergency appointment at eleven.’ He gave Kili a meaningful look.

‘Oh, all right.’ Kili huffed. As the sole car owner in their shared house, it usually fell to him to cart them all around. He got up and went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled.

‘GIMLI! I have to take Ori to the clinic on campus! You want to come with?’

‘Sure. Give me a minute.’ A voice yelled back from downstairs. There was a sound like a small elephant hitting the floor and the thud of footsteps. Kili went to the row of coat hooks and took down his jacket, pulling it on and grabbing his keys and wallet from the small table underneath. Their student house had an eclectic collection of furniture.

The footsteps descended and his cousin Gimli came down the stairs. His fiery red hair was a mess and he looked as if he’d just woken up, which was probably closer to the truth than anyone suspected Kili thought with a grin. His cousin was a notorious party animal, being in his second year and now possessed of quite the reputation on campus.

‘I gave Legs a ring.’ He said. ‘There’s a party over at his tonight.’ Kili laughed.

‘When is there never a party at his?’ he said. Your boyfriend is a serious social butterfly.’ Gimli grinned and raked his fingers through his hair.

‘Yeah, well you two losers are invited. A rare honour for a couple of freshers like you.’ Gimli said with a wink. ‘One of Legs’ new housemates is also a freshie and he thinks you lot might get on.’

‘Really?’ Kili frowned. ‘Okay then. Although if we don’t get Ori to the doctor and confirm that he’s not in fact dying we may not make it all.’ Gimli raised one copper eyebrow at him and then they both turned and regarded the rather pathetic lump still sitting at the kitchen table.

‘What?’ he whined.

*********

They drove the twenty minutes to campus and Kili parked in the back parking lot. Being a first year meant that he normally couldn’t park but it was a Saturday so he was allowed in. The three of them tumble out of the car and Gimli took his phone out of his pocket and checked the time.

‘I’ll be back in a bit.’ He said. ‘While I’m here I’m just going to nip over to the library and see if they have that book I requested.’ He headed off, jumping in puddles and making a huge splash courtesy of the steel toe capped work boots he wore as standard. That and his rather impressive ginger beard and predilection for death metal made him one of the most unlikely Art History majors Kili had ever seen. But it seemed to have held some allure as he had met Legolas in their first week of lectures. That had in turn led to an invitation to one of the now legendary house parties which had led in turn to a drunken one night stand which in turn had led to a two year committed relationship, much to everyone’s surprise. It was hysterically funny, especially when one saw the leggy platinum blond and his rather shorter and extremely stocky cousin together. They were like the Odd Couple.

‘Fine, leave me here with the Walking Dead!’ Kili yelled after him and then turned back to Ori. ‘Come on Typhoid Mary. Let’s get you to the doctor.’

They walked across the car park to the student medical centre and Kili held open the door so Ori could shuffle in. They got to the reception and Ori checked in. The receptionist directed them to go sit down in the waiting are and they did, but not before Kili noticed that there was a giant clear plastic fishbowl of condoms on the counter. When they sat down, he nudged Ori with his elbow and nodded towards it with a grin. Ori huffed and rolled his eyes at Kili.

‘So what?’ he asked.

‘I’m thinking water balloons.’ Kili whispered.

‘Oh for fuck’s sake.’ Ori snorted. ‘You’re such a fucking child.’ Kili was about to retort when the doctor came to the door and called him to go in. Ori got up, dumping his scarf and gloves in Kili’s lap. ‘Behave yourself while I’m gone.’ Kili stuck out his tongue at Ori’s retreating back and smiled as he contemplated the chaos he could perpetrate with that many condoms at his disposal. The only question was how he was going to get hold of them.

Casually taking one or two and then repeating until he had the required number would only serve to draw attention to himself. Kili crinkled his nose in concentration and then, as luck would have it, the solution presented itself as the receptionist got up and walked out from behind the desk. Kili watched him walk to a door marked ‘Staff Only’ and disappear behind it, scarcely believing his luck. He was up in a flash, and grabbed a double handful of condoms, stuffing them in his jacket pockets and hightailing it back to his seat before the receptionist came back.

He was staring innocently at the ceiling when Ori returned clutching a green prescription form. Ori gave his happy smile a suspicious glare but said nothing and Kili herded him out of the clinic as quickly as possible.  
They found Gimli coming back from the library carting a book that was so large it could have been used to kill small and even medium sized mammals.

‘So.’ Kili said smugly. ‘I think I may have something that will make the evening go swimmingly.’

‘If it’s more soggy football, I don’t think Ori’s lungs can take it.’ Gimli said. ‘Right, where to next?’

‘I have to get this filled.’ Ori sniffed, waving the prescription at him.

‘And we need to get stuff for tonight.’ Kili said. ‘Especially if we’re going to the party.’

‘I don’t think I’m going to.’ Ori grumbled. ‘I’m sick.’

‘We’ll see.’ Kili said with a grin.

**********

They got to the shop and headed inside with plans to buy enough beer to make sure that the evening would pass in a comfortably alcoholic haze. Gimli had secured a trolley and he was pushing it along and bumping Kili in the arse with it. Kili hurled abuse at him and laughed as Gimli shouldered him into Ori. Ori gave them both a hurt look, which was like being pummelled by kittens.

The horseplay continued inside. Kili went to the alcohol aisle while Ori went to the pharmacy counter to get his prescription filled. He grabbed a case of Carlsberg and hefted it into the trolley. Gimli appeared alongside him and gave Kili a conspiratorial smile.

‘So.’ he said and Kili’s ears pricked up immediately. He knew that tone anywhere.

‘No.’ he said automatically. Gimli laughed.

‘You don’t even know what I’m going to say.’ he said and Kili raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

‘Bollocks.’ he retorted. ‘I can smell a set up coming, especially when you look at me like that.’

‘You’ll like this one.’ Gimli said, his white teeth flashing in the midst of his beard. ‘Legs says he’s fucking hot.’

‘Oh Christ, is this the new housemate?’ Kili asked. ‘Jesus Gimli, I can find my own fucking boyfriend you know.’

‘Oh yeah, of course.’ Gimli was still laughing. ‘I just thought it would be a good idea. You’ve been single for a while.’

‘So?’ Kili asked, grabbing a bottle of vodka for good measure and putting it in the trolley. ‘Maybe I like being single.’

‘You will change your mind trust me.’ Gimli replied and steered the trolley towards the cash desks.

They found Ori in the queue and joined him. He was huddled deep in his anorak and looking very unhappy. He looked at the abundance of beer in the trolley and shook his head at them.

‘I am so not going.’ he proclaimed. They watched as the bored looking cashier rang up their stuff and Gimli paid. Once that was done, Gimli hefted both bags and nodded towards the kiosk near the entrance.

‘I got the beer, you go get the cigarettes.’ he said. ‘I’ll get Mr Grumpy to the car.’

‘Clever.’ Kili snorted. ‘You did this the last time. You do realise cigarettes are a tenner and my beer and the vodka was still less than that.’

‘I’ll pay you back.’ Gimli said with a grin and he and Ori walked off towards the exit. Kili huffed in annoyance and went to the concession and asked for two packs of cigarettes. It was only then that he realised that his wallet was in his left pocket, underneath the condom bonanza.

‘Bugger.’ He muttered and dug into the pocket trying carefully to extricate his wallet without dislodging the condoms. He almost had it when he was suddenly bumped from behind and the condoms erupted from his pocket in a spectacular shower that scattered them all around his feet.

Appalled Kili looked up into a pair of laughing grey eyes. It was Aragorn, Legolas’ weird housemate from Denmark who was currently studying forestry. As usual he looked like he’d just been dragged in from outdoors. There was even a fucking twig in his hair.

‘Hey Kili.’ he said with a broad grin. ‘You gearing up for an epic night?’ Kili was aware that he was currently going bright red.

‘Yeah, something like that.’ he stammered and then the situation got even worse as a frankly gorgeous individual walked up behind Aragorn.

Kili was lost for words. He’d never seen anyone quite so good looking and who rang all his bells in a single glance. The guy was medium height, a little shorter than he was, and built. He either worked out or played rugby like Gimli did. He had thick dark blond hair which was on the long side, falling to just above his collar, and a pair of stunningly blue eyes.

‘Uh…’ he started and then his eyes fell on the condoms scattered all over the floor. Kili was sure that he was now so red he could have been used as a hazard light. ‘Aragorn? Do we need to get ice?’ His face was bemused and Kili wanted to fall through the floor. He shoved the twenty Pound note into the cashier’s hand, grabbed the cigarettes and bolted without even stopping to pick the condoms up.

*********

Only in the car on the way to the party later did Kili have the horrified epiphany that the gorgeous blond guy was probably the housemate.

‘Oh, Jesus Christ.’ he said, slumping forward so his head was on the steering wheel. ‘He probably thinks I am a complete idiot.’

‘Lights green.’ Gimli said, rather unhelpfully Kili thought.

‘I didn’t even wait for Aragorn to introduce us. I just fucked off like some kind of psycho.’ he groaned. ‘And he was so fucking hot too.’

‘Told you so.’ Gimli said. He patted Kili on the knee. ‘Don’t sweat it. Legs says he’s a cool guy. He’ll probably just laugh it off.’

‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’ Kili grumbled. ‘I didn’t even get his name.’

‘It’s Phil.’ Gimli said. ‘He’s studying biochem.’

‘A hot nerd? Unlikely.’ Kili said. ‘And Phil sounds like a dad name.’

‘Sure Kilian.’ Gimli laughed.

They parked down the road from the house and walked up the street, each lugging a bag of beer. When they got there, Kili could hear the music was already at a deafening level. He hesitated when they got the front gate and Gimli grabbed his arm and hauled him after him.

‘Come on scaredy cat.’ he laughed. ‘Let’s go in before I freeze my balls off.’ He knocked on the door and they waited. Kili chewed on his lower lip as they waited and eventually the door opened. It was Legolas, long straight hair pulled back in his normal ponytail.

‘Hey.’ He said, smiling and leaning down to kiss Gimli hello. ‘Come on in. Mostly everyone’s here already.’ He stepped aside and they went in. Legolas grinned at Kili. ‘I heard you had an interesting encounter this afternoon.’ Kili snorted.

‘I bet Aragorn told you all about it.’ he said.

‘No actually.’ Legolas shared a look with Gimli. ‘He didn’t.’

‘Oh God.’ Kili groaned. ‘So much for first impressions.’ He sighed like it was the end of the world and stomped through into the kitchen.

*********

Amazingly, Kili managed to spend almost the whole night avoiding Mr Medium, Blond and Gorgeous. There were so many people at the party that it wasn’t that hard. He did however find himself at the end of his beer and in dire need of a cigarette and ventured outside into the cold.

He was leaning under the eaves at the back of the house and looking up at the unnecessarily bright winter sky when his luck ran out.

‘Finally.’ A voice said and Kili turned, almost choking on his cigarette when he saw who the voice belonged to. ‘You’ve been very elusive.’ The hot blond housemate was leaning against the door frame of the kitchen door, hands in his pockets and a ridiculously cute dimpled grin on his face. He looked Kili up and down. ‘I didn’t get a good look at you this afternoon, seeing as how you skedaddled like you did.’

‘Sorry, what?’ Kili asked, his eyes wide as he desperately tried to chart the quickest route of escape.

 

‘Legolas said Gimli was bringing his extremely cute cousin for me to play with.’ Blondie said and his suggestive tone knocked Kili for six. ‘Pity you ran off so fast this afternoon. I was kind of hoping to introduce myself.’ He walked forward and stuck out his hand. ‘I’m Philip. But you can call me Fili.’ Kili gaped at him.

‘I thought your name was Phil?’ he asked and then gave himself a mental kick in the arse.

‘Christ, no.’ Fili laughed. His nose wrinkled at the top when he did and it made him even cuter, if that was in fact physically possible. ‘That’s a dad name.’ Kili took the proffered hand and shook it. Fili’s hand was warm and seemed to fit perfectly in his.

‘Hi.’ he replied. ‘I’m Killian. But you can call me Kili.’


End file.
